Buechler Therapy & Hypnotherapy

What does everyone want in life but happiness?  How each of us defines happiness is unique and may change over time.  Our lives are much more under our own control and in our own hands than what we may realize.... read more in this column to discover how to create life more to your own liking!  Questions are chosen from emails and my work with clients in distance counseling (identities are strictly protected).

Life is what you make it.(ALP 1982)

To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. (Anatole France, 1844-1924, French writer)

  Dear Reader,
Thank you for taking the time to view my web site and check out my advice column. It is my intention to  bring this page to you as a way to give you some keys in dealing with the stresses of life. So whether you would like to submit your own question to possibly be chosen for me to attend to or just  peek over my shoulder at what sort of problems and issues folks just like you are dealing with, I think it will be helpful.

Over time I have been astonished to discover the absolute power of the human mind.  My own journey has been one where I have been led to discoveries that are  not only  intellectual but wonderfully life -transforming when it comes to the secret power that lies within each and every one of us.  

Issues that are addressed in this column are the every day sfuff of life. The answers will  help you to discover  how to apply certain keys that tap into your  personal empowerment. From there you may apply them to develop happiness in whatever way you best define it.
Until we meet again,
Dr. DyAnn

Q: Dear Dr. DyAnn

My daughter just finished her first year of college. She is home for summer and working a job plus going out with friends. DyAnn, it seems she hardly has time to even say hello to me. I know this is normal but frankly it leaves me feeling kind of frustrated because she seems pretty ungrateful. Add to that my own family is driving me nuts. I feel as though I have gotten healthy and strong with your counseling, but I feel a little empty and lost. Besides that I have given up on men for now! I have been thinking about joining Big Brothers/Big Sisters. What are your thoughts on this?

Bored and Restless

A:Dear Something to Give 

Wow, what an amazing letter. Not just because you are looking to volunteer but because you are so honest about understanding your own feelings. Clearly you are in a rut; but even better you realize it and you are determined to do something to get out of it and move on to something better.

When our children grow up we have a "pause" in life. Some call it the "empty nest syndrome". It is a time when we can feel quite alone and not needed. (I cried like a baby for three days when my youngest son flew out to LA in his literal flight from the nest. ) It is the time for us to reassess our life and our needs. And developmentally it is a time when we need to give or contribute in another way.

That being said, your turning to volunteer work is a great direction for you. Actually I was a "Big Sister" for quite a number of years so I can speak from personal experience. This is a great organization for those who wish to provide relief for the youngster and the family. (As you mentioned in your e-mail, being a single mom you understand the hard work and how welcome a helping hand might be.) As long as you understand there will be challenges that will come with this experience just like there are with being a parent, it will be very rewarding.

Particularly now we are living in a time when volunteer work is so vital. Whether working in a soup kitchen, building a home for Habitat for Humanity, working in a shelter, or helping with mailings or office work, any little thing you can do is so needed and appreciated! We all have something to give. And the best part is the feeling you get inside from knowing that you made a contribution.

What a lucky youngster it will be who gets you as a Big Sister!

Until next time,

Dr. DyAnn

Q:Dear Dr DyAnn

I am almost ashamed to talk about this again. You helped me before with my problem; I  realize that I was caught in the cycle of domestic  violence. Al used to slap me around and even left me a few months ago. You and I worked together so that I could raise my own self esteem, which I realize is a big issue in my taking this kind of treatment. I was caught up in the hope that he would get better because he is nice sometime.

Well, he doesn't hit me anymore but the yelling and name calling is starting up again. I fight back by telling him he has a lot of changes he needs to make. I am worried he will leave me again, after three years of marriage. I am also worried about how this impacts my 9 year old daughter (from a previous relationship) He yells at her too and calls her names. Then when I step in to protect her he starts in on me.

DyAnn I am really worried that my daughter will grow up thinking this is normal. I don't want my marriage to end. He won't go for help or even talk about it. What can I do?

Battered but not bruised

 A: Dear  One,

The problem is not that you "were" caught in the web of domestic violence - YOU STILL ARE!  And your daughter is so at risk to grow up and repeat the pattern that I don't even have words to express how alarming that prospect is to me.  For the last three years she has been exposed to your example, so for her it is  already "normal' !

 I am not sure if the fact that Al no longer hits you somehow provides you  with encouragement to continue in this marriage. In all liklehood he will eventually beat you again. The stress just is not high enough - yet. Additonally, your own self esteem (and your daughter's) is taking a trampling as you listen to his demeaning rantings

.You need to ask yourself why you are holding on to hope that this marriage will somehow get better. I am known for my belief in miracles and pulling off the impossible. But in this case we have the life of a little girl to consider. I give you credit for trying to defend her; but by yelling at him  the problem merely becomes more complicated.  As her parent you owe it to your daughter to remove yourself from this relationship. Unless he gets help  your situation will  not only NEVER  get better - I guarantee it will get worse.  

Domestic Violence is an all too common issue. There are many helpful facilities and a national hotline that offer help. Lean on your friends and family. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Blessings to all of you.

Dr. DyAnn

 Q: I had a very disturbing dream and I hope you can help me to understand its meaning.   In this dream, which seemed very real, I awoke to a huge explosion. I knew that I was going to die. I also knew that I was going to end up "on the other side" and be OK. What do you make of this dream? It was very upsetting to me.

MM

A: Dear MM

One way in which we may look at dreams is to say that there are three categories that our dreams fall into. One is just the mental jibberish that comes up as our mind goes over the events of the day. We might dream of a giant dog eating a garbage can. No meaning; maybe you had to put the garbage out to the curb and it was cold outside. You may have heard a dog barking in the distance. The cold made an impression on you and the garbage can came into your dream. There is no rhyme or reason to these dreams.

The second type of dream is that which is a dream of prophesy or that which is to come. This sort of dream can be one which serves as a warning or perhaps as encouragement for some sort of project or something you want to achieve.The third kind of dream is one from which we may learn or derive meaning.

All-in-all dreams are symbolic, They come from the subconscious mind. The subconscious works with symbols and that is key in understanding a dream. NO ONE can interpret the dream for you, for each of us has very personal symbolism.However there are people who can assist you in understanding your dream by asking the proper questions.Remember thought that the answers come from within you.

For example, to one person a snake may mean something frightening while to another it may be understood as the ancient symbolism for Christ. Quite a difference.

To understand the dream one must understand and compare what might be going on in your life at that time. A good hunch may be that the "explosion" is something about to burst forth, thus being positive. It also may mean the destruction or ending of something--again this could be positive as it may be the end of a phase or a problem in your life. Clearly, what comes from the subconscious mind is not to be taken literally but rather as for what it might be a symbol of for you.

The Edgar Cayce material offers intelligent information on the use of dreams to assist us in our life process. It is fresh and innovative and I personally have enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone interested in learning more.

Pleasant dreams!

Dr. DyAnn

Q   A few months ago my significant other and I agreed to let her daugher (and 14 year old  grand daughter) live with us until she could get back on her feet. It was OK at first, though I had my doubts which I expressed. "Linda" got a job and enrolled "Sherri" in school. It has become a nightmare. Linda got laid off and is not looking for a job. She parties and comes home drunk. There are screaming matches between Linda and Sherri. My room mate does little to make it stop. We used to argue about it as I want her to make them leave. Now I just keep my mouth shut and hope she will get back on her feet and leave! My health is affected and our own relationship is suffering. Don't ask me to leave- the apartment is in my name plus ending a 17 year relationship is not an option.

Signed,

Fed Up

A.      Dear Fed Up,

This is clearly a case of control. "Linda" knows a good deal when she sees it and right now it is a good deal for her. Not just because she is not pitching in and helping as the rest of your e mails to me said, but more so because she has all the power right now.

As it now stands, the more trouble she can cause (drinking, not cleaning up after herself, complaints about your cooking!) the more power she seems to have. The pattern is predictable. She acts irresponsible and disrespectful, you get upset, then you and your partner have problems in your relationship. The focus is off Linda, and the grief is in your own relationship.  If you do nothing (keep your mouth shut) Linda gets to do as she pleases and your health as well as your own relationship goes down hill.

OK, so let's look at what you have tried (from our e mails). You tried to talk to Linda and she laughed in your face. You talked to your partner and she said she is tired of it too and would give Linda a timeline, but it keeps getting moved ahead. You've fought with your partner, and now you are stuffing your feelings and suffering in silence.

And all this time LInda is getting a free ride and your home cooked meals. Honey, there is no motivation for her to move! She obviously does not care about you, her mother, or the example she is setting for her own child,

Please do everyone a favor and give this human energy vampire her 30 day notice! And follow thru with it. You shared with me in your letter that you are at risk because your lease does not allow for more people living in your apartment. That alone is sufficient explanation for Linda. She is not interested in nor at the emotional level to care about any of the other reasons why this is necessary. She cares about no one but her self and is a user. Oh, and tell her mother not to worry. This type of personality always finds someone else to manipulate and use.  And be encouraged because you have found enough self love to disengage from such abuse.

Enjoy your freedom and send your "guests" on their way.

Best wishes,

Dr. DyAnn

Also read my blog  which I publish weekly. It will help to uplift you:

dyannspage.blogspot.com